TIGER WOODS' BALLS

On a golf tour in Ireland, Tiger drives his brand new BMW into a petrol station in a remote part of the Irish countryside.

The pump attendant, obviously knowing nothing about golf, greets him in a typical Irish manner completely unaware of who the golfing pro is.

"Top of the mornin' to yer, sir", says the attendant.

Tiger nods a quick "hello" and bends forward to pick up the nozzle. As he does so, two tees fall out of his shirt pocket onto the ground.

"What are those?, asks the attendant.
"They're called tees" replies Tiger.
"Well, what on the God's earth are dey for?", inquires the Irishman.
"They're for resting my balls on when I'm driving", says Tiger.
 "Fookin Jaysus", says the Irishman, "BMW really thinks of everything !!".

stands out: distinguishes (sobresale, se destaca)
pump attendant: an employee at a gas-station (empleado de una gasolinera o estación de servicio)
unaware of: not knowing (sin saber, no consciente de)
golfing pro: professional golf player (jugador profesional de golf)
Top of the mornin' to yer = Best morning to you (Muy buenos días)
nods: expresses assent with his head (asiente con la cabeza)
bends forward: curves forward his body (se inclina)
nozzle: spout for discharging gasoline (boca o pico de la manguera de gasolina)

tees: short pegs to hold a golf ball off the ground (taco de apoyo para pelotas de golf)
dey = they (ellos/as)
inquires: asks (pregunta)
for resting my balls on: to place my balls (para apoyar mis pelotas)
driving: it means "operating a car", but it is also used for sports (golf, tennis) meaning "hitting a ball with force (juego de palabras: conduciendo - golpeando la pelota)

BMW really thinks of everything: BMW is attentive to their customers' needs (BMW piensa realmente en todo)