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English Teaching Forum

A collection of funny jokes, personal situations and comments that will spice up your boring day...


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Why was the elephant looking through the window? I don't know, why? Because he couldn't see through the wall.

How do you talk to an elephant? I don't know. How do you? You use BIG words.

How does an elephant get out of a telephone booth? I don't know. How? The same way he got in.

How can you tell when an elephant is going on vacation? Oh, I know that one. He packs his trunk.

What's the difference between a mail­box and an elephant's trunk? I don't know. You don't know? I'll never send you out to mail a letter.

A boy's mum says to him: Eat your cabbage. It'll put color in your cheeks. But, Mum, who wants green cheeks?

A patient is talking to her doctor. Doc, I'm suffering from amnesia. How long have you had it? Had what?

Two friends are talking: Did you hear about the poor fellow who made himself a new boomerang? No. What happened to him? He went crazy trying to throw the old one away!

Pekka and Matti are talking together. What are you doing? I'm writing to my sister. Why are you writing so slowly? Because she can't read very fast.

A teacher is talking to the father of one of his pupils:
- Sir, I've asked you to come because I've discovered somewhat of a problem with your son: I have proof that he cheats on his tests.
- That is impossible, my son Pierre does not copy anyone else's work. I am sure you are mistaken, if you will pardon my saying so.
- May I show you proof so that we can both be sure? For example, here is a history test; the answers are copied from the paper of his friend Henri. Look at the first answer on both papers. The question was "Who came after Napoleon?" Henri's answer is Louis XVIII; Pierre's answer is also Louis XVIII.
- Aha! But it was Louis XVIII.
- That is true, but look at the second answer. The question was "Where did Napoleon achieve his greatest victory?" Henri's answer is London; Pierre's answer is also London.
- Yes, I see them both ... but that's purely coincidence. It's not sufficient proof to accuse my son of copying!
- Ahh, but wait, sir, until you see the third answer. The question was "Where did Napoleon die?" Henri's answer is I don't know, and Pierre's answer: Neither do I.

Richard was not too smart, so everyone played tricks on him. One dark night, some of the boys dared him to climb up on the beam of their flashlight. Richard thought about it for a while. Then he said: You think that I'm stupid, but I'm not. If I climb that beam, you'll let me reach the top of it and then you'll switch the light off and I'll fall down.

One day two strong but simple-minded fellows were hired to move a big empty box to a store two blocks away. It wasn't too heavy for two men to carry, but it was very awkward to lift. The first fellow rubbed his hands on his trousers, bent down, grabbed hold of the box, and lifted. He couldn't move the box at all. He called to his partner: Come on! Lift your side when I lift mine!
Again, he rubbed his hands on his trousers, bent down, grabbed hold of the box, and strained to lift it. He still couldn't move it. Say! Lift harder!
When his third effort failed, he went around on the other side of the box to show his partner how to grab the box. His partner wasn't there ... or anywhere in sight. He called: Hello! Where are you?
I'm inside the box. I figured that if you were going to lift from the outside, I'd lift from the inside!

Mother sent her son Ali to the store across the street to buy a good box of matches. When Ali came back, Mother asked him: Did you buy a good box of matches? Yes, Mother, I've tried them all, and they all work.

Ahmad proudly tells his mother: Mother, I got one-hundred in two subjects. Fine, Ahmad. What were they? Forty in history and sixty in arithmetic.

The teacher asked the pupil: Juma, why were you late for class? You know, teacher, it has rained all night; the road is so wet and slippery that for every step I took forward, I slipped backward two steps. Now, Juma, if it is as wet tomorrow, start walking in the opposite direction and you will get to school on time.

Mama asks her son: Do you want a cookie, Pierre? Since there is no answer from her little son, she asks again: Pierre, do you want a cookie? Why must I ask you twice? Because, Mama, I want two cookies!  

A mother is admonishing her son. Now, Kofi, don't be selfish. Let your little brother share the bicycle with you. But Mother, I do. I ride it down the hill, and he rides it up the hill.

Why does a crane raise one leg when he stands in the water? Because if he raised the other leg, he would fall down.

A little boy is talking with his big brother:
- I know what you're going to say next.
- What?
- See? I knew you'd say "What?!

In the movies, a fat man got up from his seat and left during the intermission. When he returned, in the dark, since the movie had already started, he politely asked the man who was sitting next to the aisle:
- Tell me, Sir, when I left, did I step on you?
- Yes (answered the other coldly, expecting an apology).
- Oh, good! Then this is my row.

Source: English Teaching Forum


BIG words: palabras importantes
get out of
: sale de
: cabina
The same way he got in:
de la misma forma que entró
He packs his trunk
: empaca su maleta (trunk: trompa de elefante, maleta grande)
: repollo
It'll put color in your cheeks
: le dará color a tus mejillas
Had what?
: ¿que tuve qué?
the poor fellow
: el pobre tipo
to throw the old one away
: tratando de arrojar el viejo
somewhat of a problem
: cierto problema
proof that he cheats: prueba de que hace trampa
anyone else's work: el trabajo de otro
: equivocado
if you will pardon my saying so
: y discúlpeme por decirlo
Where did Napoleon achieve
: dónde logró Napoleón
Neither do I
: yo tampoco
too smart
: demasiado despierto
played tricks on him
: le hacía bromas
dared him to climb up
: lo desafiaron a trepar
: haz de luz
: linterna
you'll switch the light off and I'll fall down
: apagarán la luz para que yo me caiga
simple-minded fellows
: tipos simplones

hired: contratados
two blocks away:
a dos cuadras de distancia
very awkward to lift
: muy complicada para levantar
: frotó
bent down:
se inclinó
grabbed hold of
: agarró con fuerza
: hizo fuerza
I figured that
: me imaginé que
: fósforos
I've tried them all
: los probé todos
: con orgullo
so wet and slippery
: tan húmeda y resbaladiza
every step I took forward
: cada paso que adelantaba
must I ask you twice
: debo preguntártelo dos veces
: retando, amonestando
: egoísta
: compartir
I ride it down the hill
: yo bajo la colina en bicicleta
crane raise one leg
: una cigüeña levanta la pata
: intervalo, intermedio
: dado que
: cortésmente
: pasillo
did I step on you?
: ¿lo pisé?
an apology
: una disculpa
: fila

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